dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
