so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
