i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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