this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
