Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
