Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He has the fingertips of a God
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
