I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
