Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
