Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
