Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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