Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
