i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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