Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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