The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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