Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
