Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
