all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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