I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
