I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
and you fell through a lawn chair
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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