By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I want to be your penis for a week.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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