Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
