Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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