her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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