so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
