just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
operation have a gay friend backfired
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
