just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
