I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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