i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
