apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
