Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
