You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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