I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
