they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
