Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
