I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
