Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
