he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
