Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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