My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Im part way to drunk.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
