Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
