So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
