I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
