just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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