ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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