so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
