Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
