I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
