I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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