So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
sex in a hospital.. check
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
