All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
