I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
