Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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