so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
